Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   did yuo konw taht as lnog as the frist and lsat lteter is in the rghit palce you can sitll raed tihs?

   Nobody's perfect ..... My name is nobody

   Just lookin' for some nice buns! You know, something that won't make my wiener look small!!

   Wife: Wanna go to the make-up store with me? Me: Uuuuuuuhhh no. *This tweet was written from the make-up store*

   It's Eminem's birthday. Happy birthday to the whitest black guy on the planet.

   You can't deny chemistry. Some people just belong together...you know, like flies and shi t.

   I am the kind of guy, who, if you hold your cigarette far enough out the window, I'll take a puff off of it.

   Dont study me,,,,you wont graduate!!

   I'm so straight that I eat my hotdog from the middle.

   All alcohol will make my clothes fall off... tequila just makes that happen in public.

   There's always somebody else out there that will love you, but not if you're ugly.

   Never do I wish I were a pirate more than when sitting in traffic next to the beer truck.

   You can always tell if she's one of my ex's...By the stretch marks around her mouth!

   I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.

   I shouldn't have to say I love you when it's obvious that my p enis adores you.

   So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?

   Girls pick jerks over nice guys the same way guys pick sluts over cool girls.. we are all idiots.

   Lets just say fashion doesn't understand me.

   Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called "a lot."

   If you can find the trash can in my kitchen without asking, I just assume you're a wizard.