Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Guys, if she kicks your a$$ at pool and darts, she's probably not the marrying kind...

   I bought some of that new emo lawn seed the other day... Yeah, It was a little more expensive,,, but the grass cuts itself.

   Did you know that every 60 seconds,,, Somewhere in Africa,,,, a minute passes.

   I farted So loud,,, it scared the dog out of the room and I raised my hands in triumph and shouted,,, "There can be only one!"

   Ladies, why spend hundreds on make-up, sexy clothes, & perfume looking for Mr. Perfect when you can just eat a banana at the grocery store?

   Don't just love me, be in love with me & show me true happiness; after all, we've got to make it worth the forthcoming heartbreak.

   You won't be able to talk after I give you multiple sarcasms.

   Your words of wisdom make me want to seek the tranquility and comfort of a mental institution.

   It's too bad your delusions of grandeur are superseded by your ability to self sabotage.

   I'd count on you only if I ran out of fingers.

   A real superpower is smiling during your hardest times.

   I don't care how I die just as long as it's my fault.

   I'm really good at hide and seek. Hide my ex's dead body and seek a new girlfriend.

   I'll call you ‘mate' because saying your name would be a little bit gay - British men

   I went on Twitter this week. Don't worry, they are not getting any sex there either.

   I bet Nicolas Cage smells like birds.

   Quick, have sex with me, I'll explain later.

   What do you mean I've had enough to drink?!! Hold my beer while I fight this lamppost.

   You just join FB 10 minutes ago and I'm the first person you send a friend request to when I don't even know you. STALKER ALERT NOW ON!

   Its sad that while half the world is starving, the other half is stuffing itself obesse like its getting read for hibernation. You should be ashamed of yourselves you fat asses out there.