Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Life's a garden. Bury your enemies in it.

   Girl Logic: I'd like him a lot more if he ignored and liked me a little less.

   I love you like white folks love their pet dogs.

   The words "Haters" and "Swag" are overused by the people who have neither

   I don't want to sound ignorant but if I can't understand something... then it's stupid and I hate it.

   Nothing says I love you like letting your spouse use all the hot water first.

   I try to avoid nice people so they can stay that way.

   Masturbation is like math. You can always count on your fingers.

   Maybe instead of running your mouth you should try jogging a few miles to sweat that hatred out.

   I hate it when you've been waiting three days for your dealer to ring back and then all of a sudden it's only been three minutes.

   Chicks can only stay at their boyfriend's place for about 3 days, then they finally need to go home and use the toilet.

   For months I thought this guy at the grow shop was retarded but today I found out he's only from Australia.

   The problem with most women is that they wont have sex with me.

   The difference between "I do" and "Do me" is the happily ever after part.

   Fellas, be with a woman who doesn't mind getting her hands and face all messy while eating chicken... trust me on this one

   Listening intently... Listening intently... Listening intently... "... and then my boyfriend..." Dead to me.

   Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate's face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.

   Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger... at least one of them anyway.

   Before you judge Mitt Romney, try walking a mile in his backyard.

   ♫ I'm tasty and I know it! Sizzle sizzle sizzle sizzle!♫ - Bacon.