Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Figured I could get both of today's major statuses out of the way today with one word: Snowbama!

   I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them

   What? As of 22:00 GMT, Obama got 60,432,775 votes. Romney got 57,631,452 votes.

   Breaking news: Colorado will soon be re-named Little Amsterdam and will host Cheech and Chong Headquarters. Also there will be a state Bong: Chong's Bongs! that is all!

   I came a long way in therapy with my weird obsession of using shapes and numbers, but yesterday I slipped up and now I'm back to square one.

   If Evolution were REALLY a real thing,,,,, A LONG time ago, Men would have developed a defence to the ole "kick in the nuts"

   Everyday I thank the Lord Bear Grylls doesn't have his own cooking show

   After spending over millions of dollar on the Election Campaing, I heard Romney is broke now..... He can clean up my neighbors yards with all them Rep. signs, i'll pay him in food stamps.

   I'm 7 1/2 hours into my 8hour workday, from here on out my payroll is for me and my family. You're welcome America!

   Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about.

   I thought she was trying to tell me that masturbation was wrong. What she was really saying was she didn't want me doing it in her kitchen.

   I need a hug. From your thighs.

   My love comes with more terms and conditions than iTunes.

   Some things get in the way of my happiness so I ignore them.

   You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.

   Denver is going to be the mile "really" high city...

   My brain will dispose of you in a split second, my heart on the other hand will hold on like a hoarder.

   Congratulations to all who won in the election and my condolences to all who have lost I wish you all the best in the future. Now please get your dayum signs off my street corners. Have a great day.

   The more she claps her hands while talking, the more children she has had with different fathers.

   When I hit send while texting on my IPhone I hold my finger lightly over the speaker hole then hit send and it makes a tiny little fart sound ! Fun !