Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Seeing a spider is not a problem. It becomes a problem when you can no longer see it.

   I'm finally ready to tell my parents they're gay

   I finally got a new prophetic leg... I'm starting physical therapy on Monday.... Also Courteney Cox dies while parasailing next May...

   FAXT: you are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark

   I think I deserve a bunch of "likes" just for deleting all the crap I had in my drafts folder...

   I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth

   I want to have kids because I think I'd look really good in pictures with them.

   I'm skipping The Big Bang Theory tonight because I didn't do the previous episode's homework assignment.

   Border Security Idea: Make the door to Mexico too small for sombreros.

   I blocked Taylor Swift but her songs still play on my radio.

   Of course Jesus saves. He's J ewish.

   The real victims of the NBA lockout are tattoo parlors and rape defense attorney's.

   Slugs Are Just Homeless Snails.!

   What is it about Walmart that attracts so many damn wierdos - oh wait i'm here too

   Nothing screams self conceited little b itch like opening a second Facebook account because you have reached maximum number of friends when you are not even a celebrity.

   Hey Justin Beaver!!! Vanilla Ice called.......he wants his hair back

   what does the Quran and weed have in common? ....burn either one and you'll be stoned.

   Difference between jam and jelly...I cant jelly my dick in her mouth

   It all makes sense now!! Gay marriage and Pot legalized on the same day... Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned." We've just been misinterpreting it all these years!!

   Normal Person Flirting: "Hey babe, what's goin on?" Me Flirting: "Your face. I like that sh!t."