Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

   With Hostess gone now I wonder how many Straight Men out there will be CRAVING DING DONGS =/

   You know It's going to be a good day when you hear "juke box hero" On the radio.

   Cooked with wine for the first time & I cut my finger, got a black eye, & After 2 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen, But the important thing is that the wine bottle is open.... Over all not bad..

   Women complain about men using them only for sex as if sex is a bad thing. Sex is awesome. Start complaining when he starts using you for cooking, laundry and baby sitting while he is out having fun.

   looking forward to the big debate tonight. My wife and I will debate the pros and cons of me getting oral sex.

   now with Hostess going out of business, we wont have any twinkies to eat when the zombie apocalypse happens

   I see your swag and I raise you a high school education.

   Whenever I hear "let us pray" My mind automatically adds "on the weak minded and gullible"

   HA!!!!...Washington and Oregon legalize pot ...now Twinkies and Ho-Hos are out of business.. just a matter of time now before they declare a a state of emergency in those states!!!!...OMG... it's the TWINKIPOCALYPSE ... Maybe the Mayans were right!

   "So You Think You Can Tickle A Polar Bear" is a show that I would love to watch.

   People who never had suicidal thoughts probably never touched a wet bathroom door knob.

   Accidentally ran over a guy and I stopped to call the ambulance but then I saw his ponytail. Now I'm treating myself with ice cream.

   Why do men complain when women order a salad at dinner? She's doing your poor ass a favor.

   I live mosy of my life on the edge... Cause my fat ass girlfriend takes up most of the bed and couch.

   How are we supposed to get through the impending zombie apocalypse without Hostess Twinkies!?

   Sorry ladies, no more Ding Dongs---and sorry fella's, no more Ho Ho's...R.I.P. Hostess! ツ

   Well, I guess Twinkies don't last forever.

   maybe the Mayans were referring to the Twinkiepocalypse.

   What manner of devilry is this?!? Just when Colorado and Washington legalize pot - Twinkies goes out of business?!?