Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Contrary to what you may think, my moral compass is not broken. It just happens to be pointing toward hell

   I am not homeless but alot of homeless things happend to me.

   For your information, we'll be remembered as the generation who thought a fat Korean pretending to ride a horse was entertaining to look at.

   Facebook sure is quiet this morning....wonder why.

   Happy New Year everyone....and may your worries this year last no longer than a Kardashian marriage .

   When someone posts this: "Last year was wonderful....this year has been pretty awesome too! Can't stop smiling...bring it on!" It actually means: "I didn't do j@ck $hit."

   The key to happiness is having something to look forward to. Lindsay Lohan turns 27 this year and there is this one club. She likes clubs.

   Welp. Looks like I broke my new years resolution regarding procrastination....Guess who just p00ped their pants.

   I remember 2012 like it was yesterday

   Ok, just saw Jenny the Crypt Keeper dry hump a Bieber cardboard cutout. Seacrest should have gone down there and ash bombed her.

   I have not taken a shower since last year

   please no more gangnam style dance... keep the gangnam style back in 2012

   Well happy new year to you all mine friends wish you all the best for 2013..

   Entering 2013 the same way I entered this world! Naked crying, and alone. (Adoption Joke gone way wrong)

   To all the Jehovas Witnesses: Happy 12:30am on a tuesday!!!

   I like my women like I like my alcohol. Gone in the morning...

   i like my women like I like my peanut butter.. super chunk

   I like my girls like I like my cheese. F@t free American singles.

   every year it is a race to see who drops first me or the new years ball

   What do you get when you alternate eating cheese and granola? Natures very own 'thunder beads'! BOOM! ツ