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Dear apartment next door, you can either have an infant or a puppy, kill one. 
got diagnosed with 12 different mental disorders. my day in a nutshell
If Lance Armstrong and Oprah was ever to have a baby they would name it Dope-rah
Wouldn't it be great to hear a priest say "been there, done that" in reply to your confessed sins?
I hate when people only talk to me when they need something.
why do people post a pic of every meal that they eat? no one cares...
Found a gray nose hair. Transformation to Gandalf: 1% complete.
Lebron better than Jordan? Ha! Yeah right. Holla at me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
Say what you want about Lance Armstrong, buy I'm proud of him to finally having the ball to come clean.
I don't know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
This is your ass (_._) This is your ass in prison (_O_) . Any questions? Just say no to crime!
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of Lay's potato chips.
Truthfully, my resume should state,, "when I feel like it" after every skill listed.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff...
Let's put Congress in front of Oprah...
Going to sleep with a t-shirt on is a great way to wake up knowing what a crocodile death roll feels like
Unless I see a tombstone of someone who died for not doing so, I won't 'like' your post to prove "love Jesus" or hate cancer.
If it turns out Lance used drugs to beat cancer, I'm going to be so disappointed.
Being good at spelling is like knowing how to draw a really cool dragon. Unless you are a tattoo artist, no one cares. Skin doesn't auto correct!
those Hairy Twatter books were good but I liked the movies better!! 