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When a woman asks you to come over and hang out, it doesn't mean sex. She just wants to talk about every guy she's liked that isn't you. 
Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps Roule! And hopefully, when you wake up you don’t discover a Tattoo of "Beignets Rule" on your a$$.....do not ask me how I know this.
I am thinking todays topic with my psychiatrist is going to be "When someone asks me if I have a snow blower.....why do I always picture my ex and Frosty the snowman"
Happy Mardi Gras Everyone! now show me your boobs!!!! :)
I've decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent....
They should just make Sarah Palin pope. She can see heaven from her back yard.
I hate when people post pictures of broccoli and asparagus while I'm having a bucket of fried chicken and a Sprite.
Found a Capri cigarette in my son's room and now I don't know what to be most upset about.
Reincarnation, evolution, whatever. At some point, Larry King was a possum.
Sometimes I like to walk into Whole Foods and yell "hey, that Subaru is being towed" just to see how fast it empties out the store...
Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I'm thinking taco cart...
Happy Mardi Gras Everyone, Party yourself in oblivion.
I believe the smoke coming out of that Vatican chimney while they decide on a pope is all of them smoking fatties til they can come to an agreement.
Playing the "hey, what's in that bulging tupperware bowl" game never ends well.
It's been over a year since I found anything to steal here. If nobody else is gonna say it I will. R I P FSM. I'd type the whole name of the page but we're not allowed smh...
Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles..... After all,, You know what they say about old habits.
The Catholic Church is in shock over something that hasn't occurred since 1415 AD. It ran out of mix for its annual Pancake Breakfast.
"This is America. We don't stop doing something 'cause it's wrong. We just keep doing it til it's right." - Ed Wuncler (The Boondocks)
Shout out to all the KKK members who have a birthday in Black History month and a birthday on the same day as MLK.
Ok now seriously somebody should reeally! 'engineer the electricals' now! 