Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The common misconception that polar bears live in Antarctica is crazy, that place is unbearable.

   so...I gues it doesn't pay to enrich your word power...

   Today, I was thinking who got all that Gaddafi's cool sunglasses.

   "That was the last arrow in my quiver of whimsy." ~Amy Farrah Fowler

   Roses are Red Violets are Glorious, Never Sneak up on Oscar Pistorius

   Talking to boring people makes me feel like I’m underwater and I'm running out of oxygen.

   I haven't gotten laid in so long, you'd swear I've been wearing Crocs all this time.

   I don't want to think today. I just want to breathe.

   Tried putting myself in someone's shoes & now I have a smelly boot stuck on my head!

   clearly, it is wrong to describe woman's menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.

   I never knew the IRS had a swat team.

   Mad Facebook gets a multi billion dollar tax break

   I'm interested to find out what the police have Oscar Pistorius’s height listed as.

   Happy President's day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.

   Dear exes- please try to maintain yourself decently so that I'm not embarrassed when people ask if we dated. I will Deny You

   it me or does Don Imus look like a muppet/dc follies character?

   Not sure what the big deal is with Danica Patrick. Like we have never seen a woman on the pole before.

   Anyone else hates when they see the word *sigh* rewritten in any Status/IM/Email/ Text whatever?

   I met a girl who told me she was a hopeless romantic. I don't want to be with her if she's hopeless.

   I am too funny I just don't know how to describe it in writing but if you doubt me you are free to come over to my house tonight & see... You can also carry a good comedy with you just in case.