Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Tried the Harlem Shuffle, Gangnam style... I may have snapped a hip.

   I will fight tooth and nail to get every hair off the bar of soap before it touchs my body

   Parker Brothers has replaced the Iron game piece in Monopoly with a cat. In response, Mattel has replaced the word "Yes" in the Magic 8 Ball with "Fo Shizzle!"

   If you need space - join 'NASA' Baby! XD

   What if Earth is just the insane asylum for the universe?

   I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I'm feeling pretty awesome!!

   congratulations danica patrick and jeff gordon... daytona 500's first all female front row...

   again......Show me on the doll where gas prices touched you.

   After handing cashiers money, I like to caress their hand just to let them know all sales don't have to be final.

   Ugh, the most annoying family just sat next to me on this plane. I live with them and now I have to sit with them for 5 hours?

   It's always funny until it happens to you.

   Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel.

   I need two lives. One to do the things right and another to be myself.

   either I'm not feeling to well or I just sat on a whoopie cushion full of beef gravy!

   Chicken pot pie. My 3 favorite things

   Did the Jetsons ever explain why there weren't any black people in the future?............ Just asking for a friend

   Dont even look up to me for help. I make a bad situation even worse.

   Cemeteries: Saving me on buying flowers since High School.

   According to my wife's calculations, I haven't been right in 12 years.

   I trick girls into 69 by giving them upside down hugs.