Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I swear my wife buys sports bras just to piss me off... 
People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.
What's it called again??? Oh Yeah, BOOZE!!!
Volcanoes. ........earths pimples
Simba was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things that I keep to myself!!
I need a matchmaking service for socks...
Can you guys believe some people get paid to advertise products on their Facebook page? That's crazy. Almost as crazy as the intense rush of energy I get after drinking Monster's new Triple Strength Xtra Max Energy Shot™.
#Remembers #A #Time #When #People #Used #To #Write #Without #Using #This #!
What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest? A rabbi cuts them off and a priest sucks them off.
Alcoholism is a disease. That's why I feel entitled to use the handicap parking spaces when I'm drunk.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm? You look for fresh prints.
I don't cuddle after sex because cuddling strangers is gross.
What does a grape say when it gets stepped on? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
What do ducks smoke? Quack.
Cats are pet tigers for midgets.
if you still don't think money doesn't matter, name the last rich person we deported...
I won't lie, I'd pay top dollar to just see Katy Perry work a jackhammer for a few minutes.
When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" And they'll laugh and laugh... 