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Did I already do my deja vu joke? 
it me, or Monday comes around and your sleepy throughout most of the workday, but after what feels like 5-hours in rushhour traffic, you have enough energy for a Party with free drinks?
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
has discovered that telling a girl you don't have any sores isn't the best way to get her to kiss you.
you know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.
Don't die a virgin. Seriously, there are terrorists up there waiting for you.
I lost my mood ring and now I don’t know how I feel about that.
If a dog gave birth to puppies near the road can it be cited for littering ?
i broke 2 mirrors in the same day, so i'm going to assume it's good luck because two negatives make a positive, right?
Leadership is a privilege to better the lives of others. It is not an opportunity to satisfy personal greed.
1.- Open YouTube website 2.-Type "do the Harlem Shake" and click search 3.-Don't click anything just wait and see what happens lol
I'm not needy. I'm wanty!
'What would I do without you?' is such a stupid question to ask. Because all I need to do is what I was doing before you came along and complicated my existence.
Nobody ever lost money overestimating the fatness of Americans.
I don't like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I'm leaving!
The kids down the street have challenged me to a squirt gun fight. I'm just killing time updating my FB status while I wait for the kettle to boil.
I'm me. I like me. It took me a while to realize it, but I have no other choice. I'm stuck with myself.
Don't forget comic relief this year. Just R50 can help a disabled African learn the difference between an intruder and a girlfriend.
If you have to SNEAK to do it, LIE to cover it up, or DELETE it to avoid it being seen then maybe you SHOULDN'T be doing it anyway. 