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"That's it. I'm done. I'm never hanging out at a swimming pool again."~ Marco Polo 
Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.
trying to have sex when you're wasted is like trying to play pool with a piece of string
Thailand tourism - boys will be boys, the girls will be boys too
Drink before you speak
Epidemic: Girls who have really good male best friends, but claims they have no man!
Women: When it comes to doggie style...men are behind you 100%
I'm a people person. As long as the people are hot girls...
Don’t tell a girl who gives bad head she’s good. You’re making her comfortable and ruining it for the rest of us.
Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.
I’m white but I’m not Betty White.
it allowed to go to the dentist drunk? Asking for a friend.
I watch p orn for the interior design ideas!
I became a scientist so I can discover new STDs and name them after ex girlfriends.
I love blank papers. They are so innocent.
I'm white but I'm not "call a radio station to try to win Bon Jovi tickets" white.
Man cannot live by bread alone. He also needs head.
Sometimes I feel like my heart really doesn't have my best interests at heart.
Woke up face down in a ditch, I must have tried to tell a woman what to do again.
My co-worker "Pig nose Susan" was in an abusive relationship so I contacted PETA 