Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why do porn sites have a 'Share to Facebook' button? Who watches porn and thinks, 'You know who'd really enjoy this? My family and friends.'

   ‎(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Mondays

   I'm going to take a shot for every "like" I get on this status....then again....I'm taking shots whether you b*stards like it or not.

   Just because it’s called make-up, it doesn’t mean it’s supposed to make-up 99% of your face!

   Passover occurs at the same time as Holy Week which leads up to Easter. Them J3WS are always trying to ruin our fun.

   I have a crystal ball and when I sit down I do it very carefully.

   if you had... one shot... one opportunity... to take two samples at costco when the dude's not lookin... would you capture it... or let it slip

   there are no winners the day following a draft beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.

   My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.

   Facebook feels a lot like Group Therapy...only everyone is talking at once and no one wants to be cured.

   Nice try "St. Patrick's Day", but I don't need a reason to drink!!

   Apparently putting Alka Seltzers in my mouth while getting "born again" and pretending I'm possessed by the Devil is not so funny to "non drunk people".

   Seriously? Really? Seriously?? Really?? Seriously??? Really??? Said annoying people everywhere now a days.

   Married people don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day. That would imply that they'd actually expect to get lucky.

   I like a nice boob avi as much as the next dude, but some of you ladies make me feel like you're going poke an eye out.

   So is everyone Irish yet?

   There's gratification and then there's "I love not responding to you on facebook chat" gratification.

   I think those who wear the sagging pants should start wearing skinny jeans. At least it would be entertaining watching them trying to walk.

   I hold the NASCAR world record for the number of races never watched. Zero.

   Bought a new trampoline and took me 2 hrs to set it up. All the wife could say afterwards was "uhm...where's our bed?" That's gratitude for ya!