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What people think of your problems: 80% don't care, 20% are glad you have them. 
What's the odds I ever meet a Victoria's Secrets Angel? OK, don't answer that.
A Tiger doesn't lose sleep over the opinion of the sheep!
If the breakfast club existed now I'd eat all their cereal and steal their cell phones
My boss wants me to keep my headphones volume low enough to hear my work phone ring AND stay awake at my desk like some kind of wizard.
Meeting a blind date at Starbucks. She said shell be wearing Uggs, a NorthFace Jacket, and yoga pants. I got her narrowed down to 47 girls.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just silently texting about their crappy Saturday and never make friends with each other
If HR made employees settle their disputes with public dance-offs, everyone would try a lot harder to get along.
I'm learning how to let things go, one throat at a time.
The back of every furniture assembly manual should have a coupon for couples counseling.
Thank god we don't send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Sometimes I think the human race would benefit greatly from natural selection (survival of the fittest).
For how long are we going to ignore the problem of overpopulation on this planet as access to resources and jobs becomes harder and harder by the day?
t's not about dieting, it's changing eating habits forever. — Chaz Bono
Today, I realised that the word 'bed' actually looks like a bed.
Together,, I can beat schizophrenia
*walks into Starbucks.*.... "I'll have a large?.."... *alarm sounds, cage drops, baristas sharpen pitchforks*
I hope instagram is still around in 10 years so I can show my kids what my food looked like in 2013.
I just pissed so hard a little bit of laugh came out
I never said I wanted to be around for a long time. I always said I wanted to be here for a good time. 