Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Tim Tebow is fired the same day a NBA player announces he's gay. Cinco de Mayo must be coming up

   If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I'd have to pick…My girlfriend.

   切是食品 means "cutting food" not "everything that moves is food" sheesh.

   If por n has taught me anything it’s that if you’re going to put anything in your mouth, you better spit on it first.

   the new b ush library has one wing dedicated to weapons of mass destruction but no one can seem to find it..

   I will not rest until ALL food is dinosaur shaped.

   How about we start being thankful everyday,,, then have a holiday once a year called Complainsgiving?... It could even be tied somehow to Festivus

   I wasn't speeding officer, but I passed several people who were!

   What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

   Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.

   Does hearing voices in my head qualify me for driving in the car pooling lane?

   In the bathroom, even the shampoo bottle becomes interesting.

   I'm having a funny withdrawal. Someone please post something hilarious soon or I'll have to check into detox

   I wish I was the hot friend.

   Today i'll fix the mistakes I made yesterday and tomorrow i'll fix the mistakes I made today

   People - the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.

   Its trash pick up day tomorrow and my dumb neighbor forgot to take out my mother-n-law!!!! Now i've gotta dump trash all over his yard again!

   Stalking is when two people go for a romantic walk, but only one of them knows about it.

   ,,Bland salad,,,,, that needs adressing,!!

   P.U.S.S.Y - Push Until She Screams Yesssss!!