Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Pregnant Kim Kardashian is moaning in a magazine, "Nothing looks good on me" I disagree. A grand piano dropped from a considerable height would.

   Some days I hate getting up for work, but then I think oh well, only another 40 years to go, and that always cheers me up.

   I wouldn't make it very long as a tattoo artist because I would always be asking "You're kidding me, right, you want that?"

   I just bought a pair of socks at Jos A. Banks and got 3 free suits, 4 shirts and 4 ties!!

   Don't drive while sending mixed messages.

   I just miss being able to slam it down when upset with someone. ..so they could hear it slam.

   GUILTY: Because you can't abort justice.

   Thank you Facbook. before you came along, I had to stare out the window to laugh at people.

   I failed my driver's test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Texts and check Facebookk."

   Thank you internet. before you came along, I had to stare out the window to laugh at strangers.

   It's hard for me to take the things you say seriously when I know what's been in that mouth of yours.

   are there actually people out there who make their beds every morning or is that just a myth

   how many cupcakes have to die before all these cupcake wars end??

   An eye for an eye leaves the whole world with a lot of pirates and cyclops.

   Everyone needs a nice pair of boobs to soap up in the shower, their own or someone else's.

   When a man pats a woman on the ass it's just a friendly way to say "Hi". That, and he wants to bang it like a screen door in a tornado.

   Men! If you don't sleep with them, they never call...if you do sleep with them, they never call. You may as well get a good f**k out of the deal.

   what f#cking idiot named them jet-skis instead of boatercycles

   In Japan, the title "Jersey Shore" translates into "Macaroni Rascals"

   Then satan said, "Put the alphabet in math"