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This morning, I got robbed in the shower by some soap scum. 
If two people in wheelchairs are having a conversation, is it considered mobile to mobile?
I'm looking forward to looking back on this month.
Khakis: What you need to start a car in Boston.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn't leave any for this morning.
woke up this morning with a serious case of sexyback.
I asked a question and this kid said "GOOGLE IT".....You and this Dammmm Google everything Generation!....If the power was to ever cut off, we are so in trouble!
Whoever invent Hallway Swimming....go Twerk a HarlemShake sit down and Plank your Owls self somewhere! -
All these people sending prayers to OK. I feel so silly. I only sent money and donated blood.
Stay in drugs, eat your school, and don't do vegetables
Hello Miss I shave my eyebrows off and draw them back on about an inch to high !!!! Yeah that looks good if your going for the shocked look!!!!
Ya know, "American Pie" ruined it for any kid who really did have an amazing story about band camp.
If you die and wake up in hell, at least you know you did earth right!
You know you fat when you use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
The Three Up's in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
My quest for greatness has turned into a blind fumble for ok.
If Mama Cass gave Karen Carpenter the ham sandwich she chocked on, they both would be alvive today!
There's a baseball team named the Giants (San Francisco), a football team named the Giants (New York)...yet there's no basketball team named the Giants...when in fact, basketball players ARE GIANTS!
The only thing to fear is fear itself. Also: -Zombies. -Velociraptors. -Unwanted pregnancy. -The Hamburglar. -Spiders. -Madonna's arms. 