Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why are there jelly donuts but no peanut butter donuts? And why no peanut butter and jelly donuts? And why is my mother an alcoholic?

   I wonder if guys who masturbate to feet, ever get off on the wrong foot..... ba-dum ching (Don't get up, I'll let myself out.)

   Ugh....... I can never decide which color of shower puff is the most gangster.

   For all you Xbox fans I guess you won't be getting a game console this year but more like a voice and gesture based TV remote box.

   If you don't like gay marriage blame straight people. They're the ones who keep on having gay babies.

   Toys R Us sells toys. Bikes R Us sells bikes. Imagine my disappointment when I went next door to Babies R Us

   Everyone I know is either getting married or pregnant, I'm just getting drunk

   I really gotta start saying "congratulations" Instead of "are you keeping it?"

   Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"

   They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I've never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.

   I once visited The Virgin Islands. When I left, they were just called The Islands.

   This morning, I got robbed in the shower by some soap scum.

   If two people in wheelchairs are having a conversation, is it considered mobile to mobile?

   I'm looking forward to looking back on this month.

   Khakis: What you need to start a car in Boston.

   Drank way too much beer last night. Didn't leave any for this morning.

   woke up this morning with a serious case of sexyback.

   I asked a question and this kid said "GOOGLE IT".....You and this Dammmm Google everything Generation!....If the power was to ever cut off, we are so in trouble!

   Whoever invent Hallway Swimming....go Twerk a HarlemShake sit down and Plank your Owls self somewhere! -

   All these people sending prayers to OK. I feel so silly. I only sent money and donated blood.