Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If "Bieber fever" is when a Justin Bieber song comes on the radio and you start throwing up and stabbing yourself in he ear, then yes I have had Bieber fever before.

   You can check if you are a Highlander or not by saying "There can be only one" and checking to see if all the glass near you breaks.

   If there is anything I learned from 80's movies is that I'm the best around.. and nothings ever gonna keep me down.

   Would like to take all of the warning labels off everything toxic and weed out the stupid people

   I have been looking since 1986, and I still haven't found a highway to a danger zone.

   You know you're lazy when you have a one bedroom apartment and still want to hire a cleaning lady.

   The mosquito's are requesting a human sacrifice, please send help.

   My new nickname at work should be "Laxative" cause I make sh*t happen.

   Sometimes if I'm alone at night I have this horrible fear that a murderous stranger will break in wearing like, the exact same outfit as me.

   I've been around the block a few times. I forgot where I live.

   I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I've taken today's gummy vitamins.

   I know it's your birthday and all but the Star bucks gift card aint happening!!

   Dear people who think its cool to flip off the camera when getting their pics taken; Why are you so mad? Did someone sodomise you as a kid?

   If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?....

   Don't look down and be depressed. Look up and you will be blessed.

   I just texted my ex "God Bless You" cause I seen her sneeze through my Binoculars

   I don't know why my grandmother has a Facebook cause all her friends are Dead

   Black p eople weren’t good at SIMS cus they were unfamiliar with the “raise a family/feed a dog” lifestyle that’s why they created GTA.

   I swear they have a prescription drug for everything. "Hey...do you go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning? Then take this useless pill so you can die and the doctors & lawyers can take your family's money."....Nice evil scheme guys.

   Man put God in the mind and he ruined the whole brain since the first millenium.