Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When someone breaks your heart.... let God put the pieces together.

   The IRS is in trouble for using $60,000 of taxpayer money to produce training video spoofs of "Star Trek" and "Gilligan's Island". I find that, "HIGHLY ILLOGICAL...." (Spock's voice) "....SKIPPPPEEERRRRR!!!!!" (Gilligan's voice)

   Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!

   if I had a kid that was a Belieber I'd lock them in a room with the White Album playing until they snapped out of it

   Monday,.. that better not be your ugly ass I see peeking around the corner!

   If I superglued WD-40, what would happen

   what I won't do for love......i might do for a klondike bar~!!!

   I have not seen a Hummer on the road in months. Is there some sort of magical Dbag Island that they all went to?

   if anyone wants lobster they can eat me

   A Mslim stopped me in the street and asked me for my thoughts on Muhammad, Allah and the Qur'an. I said, "He's probably the greatest boxer who ever lived, and I don't give a f*ck what car he drove.

   I guess eBay brings out my competitive side........Anyway, this $1,800 can of peas better be good.

   Some people don't know anything about women. And those people are men.

   There is nothing more frightening than the toilet water rising when you flush it! Especially if you are at someone Else's house!

   can we PLEASE stop using the term “beast mode”? Unless you’re running around jungle, naked, stalking and killing animals with your bare hands and eating them raw, you’re NOT a beast, you’re just another douchebag lifting weights in the gym…tha

   On a scale of 1 to Facebook how much of a whiney b*tch are you?

   it rude to shoot yourself in the face when someone's talking?

   I'm bringing Tipsy back.

   The Police will come right away when you tell them your baby is locked in the car. They don't however think it's cute to call your phone baby.

   It's pretty cool that evolution knew we'd eventually need pinky fingers to hold our phones.

   Pants are for people with something to hide.