Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   <---just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box!!

   Sometimes I'll scream out "FACEBOOK WH0RE"!!!!! in the middle of the mall just to see how many of you are out there.

   Pop a molly? Why don't some of you hoes start poppin birth control.

   If you have to "take a break" then you two are NOT together. Timeouts are for sports, not relationships.

   What if your giving a guy a bj in the shower and he starts shampooing and conditioning your hair.

   If I don't mention you, then the tweet wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bltch up and wear it.

   Walk🚶🚶🚶 pass old Friends and Ex's..... .....Like I never knew them.✌✋✋😒

   Kittens FB page has more likes than God's FB page...

   The term "swag" was invented in the 60s by a group of gay men as an acronym for "Secretly We Are Gay." No wonder Justin Bieber thinks he has so much of it.

   A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her... immediately!!!!

   If Anne hath a will, Anne Hathaway.

   I broke up with my gym. We were just not working out.

   'Bob Marley drinking game.........1.put on the Bob Marley track "Jammin'"..2,whenever Bob says "Jammin" you drink a beer

   I see your friendship, and raise you benefits.

   Shhh... someone with glasses is talking.

   Someone cook me dinner so I can Instagram a picture of it. It's an emergency.

   Women are from Hearts and Men are from Pen*s.

   How many calories does wearing workout clothes burn? Does anybody know?

   I'd explain it to you again but I'm fresh out of crayons and puppets

   Ever wonder what it's like to be Amish? Get a blackberry. I'm practically milking cows and making candles over here.