Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hate is such a strong word. That's exactly why I use it.

   Baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down.......and puke!

   To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!

   Tragedies are God's way of saying, "I'm not real".

   There’s a thin line between “I should do a joke about that” and “I should talk to my therapist about that”

   i live in a land of fantasy so keep your reality the hell away from me.

   Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.

   Before you cancel my membership you might want to post a sign << Me to manager at my gym because apparently "tickle fairies" aren't allowed in the showers at this gym.

   I enjoy listening to Ice cube in the summer. He's very refreshing.

   BRADY: Sup. TEBOW: Sup. BRADY: What have you been up too? TEBOW: Studying the Bible. What about you? BRADY: Banging Gisele Bundchen. [Awkward Silence]

   A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby

   PS4, brought to you by the same folks that brought the phrase root kit to our vocabulary

   So I heard if I needed to reach the NSA directly I can just dial any number?

   I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.

   Ps4 $399 xbox $499 ....... I think I hear Microsofts sobs from here.

   How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

   Laziness walks in my family

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through!

   The girl who invented the phrase "all guys are the same" was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd in China.

   Looking for a man to help fill my...humm..."whole"