Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My navel ring is older than some of my Facebook Friends.

   I'm a high risk for stroke because I live alone, and I have no pants on.

   I am one chin away from my goal weight.

   The early bird needs a punch in the throat.

   Single guys; your married friends will buy your lunch just to hear sex stories. Do like I do and just make them up…

   Im using internet explorer so I hope this isnt too late. Happy new year 2009

   I don't cuddle,,,,,,,but I'll hold you tight while I'm F*cking You!!

   I switched to Herbal Essence shampoo and sadly discovered that I do not have a G-Spot on top of my head like those women in the commercial.

   My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... So that I can find a better girlfriend!

   I'm not naive enough to count out the Miami Cheat...but I loved every second of that game last night. Especially the look of utter disgust on Eric Spoesltra's face near the end of the game.

   The level of patience I have with stupid people is actually pretty remarkable...

   How do they even grow boneless chicken's?

   It's socially acceptable to live in somebody else's basement, but weird if you live in your own.

   Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an idiot,,,,,, This needs to be a bumper sticker.

   I pulled my wife's hair this morning. First, from the shower drain and then from my toothbrush.. Really wasn't all that hot, honestly.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, so are we dating yet??!

   When I come to that fork in the road, I use it to eat my cake.

   've been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I've lost is 14 days

   My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.

   So now like 30% of our national security database is cat pictures, right?