Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just heard that Justin Bieber is planning his next release. Sources say it's going to be on some dude's back.

   One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.

   So we gain a Kardashian but lose Tony Soprano ? Lifes exchange rate just took a dip ....

   People, sharing some company's photo to "win" something is a scam. Just like nigerian lotteries, social security and obamacare...

   Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by Vegetarians. Stop the violence. Eat Bacon!

   Did you know that if you put your ear up to a strangers leg you can hear them say, "WTF are you doing?"

   I love rude waiters/waitresses...I don't have to be GUILTY for not tipping them. I only had money for the food anyway

   Don't choose someone if they have to think twice about choosing you.

   My wife calls me The Margarita because after a long day, I can hit the spot!

   Apparently, only God can whack Tony Soprano.

   I'm on day 4 of no carbs and I see the difference already. 4 days ago I was fat & happy but now I'm fat and I wish I was dead

   Rip: Slim Whitman

   I wish karma would send me email notifications.

   Thanks to Hollywood any Italian person dying will always first be suspicious.

   I'd play Monopoly but I am afraid of the commitment...

   Now that's he's fired, in about six months I can say to that Men's Wearhouse guy: "You're NOT going to like the way you look. I guarantee it."

   You get a dozen chances to make a first impression when you're dealing with a pothead.

   If you were cyberbullied by me or my gang on the wii tennis forums,,,, I apologize. I have grown a lot since then.

   I want to do a post about a pirate dating site called e-Yarrrmony,,, but the process is too arrrduous

   If marriage doesn't involve daily sex and the occasional fort building then I want no part of it.