Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Its exhausting trying to look busy at work all the time.

   Relationships these days are like birthdays; once the cake is eaten, the party's over!

   the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

   Aunt Jemima or Paula Deen?

   I bet if you're a firefly, it must be really hard to get to sleep at night with all that random flashing.

   If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed.

   Remember: A butt dial and a booty call are two entirely different things.

   My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.

   Locks of love should just visit my shower.

   The adult me is just the child me with severe lower back pain....

   Little known fact... Any uneaten Little Caesars pizza turns back into cardboard after 30 minutes.

   Yes, lady, you are cute, but not 5000 photos on facebook cute.

   Shredded wheat is OK for breakfast if you like to eat lightly sweetened scarecrows.

   Why does the dryer even need a "more dry" setting. Who wants their clothes only kinda dry?

   It feels like the time of the day when I have a trough of cinnamon toast crunch.

   I'm so good at passwords that even I can't log into my stuff.

   My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.

   Picking up women at Jenny Craig meetings can be easy and rewarding but you must carefully weigh your options.

   Of all your flaws, the one that allows you to like me, is my favorite.

   My mom talks into her cell phone like she just hit the cap lock key on her voice