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Beyonce, Rihanna and Katy Perry sent prayers to the victims of the Oklahoma tornados. I feel like an idiot now, I only sent money. 
We're no strangers to love, you know the rules, and so do I....Yep, you just sang it, out loud, and realized that you have been RickRolled \m/
There is no better feeling on this good, green earth than having exact change.
One time my dad yelled "who let the dogs out," but the only music we heard was Buddy getting hit by a car
I came into this world covered in someone else's blood and screaming. I'm not afraid to leave it that way too.
Show me a woman who doesn't gossip and I will show you a blind man.
If I ever caught a robber in my house looking for money, I'd start laughing and start searching with him.
If you're a man and in a relationship with a woman, life can get very confusing approximately every 28 days.
The most difficult part of growing older is learning to become your own best friend.
My middle finger seems to get more exercise on Monday than any other day of the week.
I didn't leave the house all day yesterday and the forecast for today is ceilings
You got to live life on both sides of the coin, you never know which side its going to land on
i should change my name to "period"....all the women seem to hate me
Subway uses the slogan "eat fresh"...it makes me wonder if the other restaurants are fresh too because they don't say they are
We all hate things in others which is already in us.
I wish I was as carefree as my Step Son's, picking their noses and then tapping away on MY keyboard!!!!
Nothing ruins a good porn like a malnourished donkey
Sorry Monday...I'm just not that into you.
If you could choose between world peace or Bill Gates Money.......what color would your Maserati be?
What is the job application at Hooters like? Do they give you a bra and say "Here. Fill this out."? 