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The only reason I drink is to celebrate not being dead. 
Never under estimate the predictability of stupidity.
Paula Dean is currently at home watching the George Zimmerman trial in disgust.
Guys, putting the word “Swag” in your Bio is a good way of telling girls you didn't finish school & your job is selling crack on the corner.
Please stop praying for my grandpa you are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their tasers don't work on him :(
Dear advertisers. I'm playing a game I downloaded for free. What about me screams I want to buy your product?
Women use more words to drop subtle hints than to actually tell the thing.
People who give an unconditional credit to the work of original thinker, writer and doer, deserve an equal plaudit. JOKES they deserve a kick in the ass.
911: What's your emergency? Me: Do you think I'm pretty
♫ ♫ I don't know what to do. I don't now WHAT to DO. High ho the dairy ho....I think I'll just drink some wine ♪ ♪
Some of you are so dumb, I don't even know how you found the internet.
Surprise sex is the best way to wake up... unless you're in prison
"We support gay marriages!!" Signed, wedding planners and divorce lawyers.
*christopher walken giving tour of apt* this is my.. walken closet. and these boots. these boots were made.. *long unnecessary pause* for walken
first rule of fight club is no fighting. welcome to contradicton club everyone have a seat and dont have a seat. also this isnt contradicton club
I willing to bet all those students with sick student loans weren't business majors...
it is very hard to defend Nigerians as druglords with that big WHITE line on their national flag.
Paula Deen at home watching the Trayvon Martin case just licking the white part out of Oreos then stepping on the black parts
How Am I suppost to keep up this "Dreamy Hair",,, With wind's like this? LOL!
Many guys think all women are crazy. That's not true. If they knew one well enough, they wouldn't think that anymore. They'd know it first hand.
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