Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Chicks be talking bout #TeamNoKids after 6 abortions. No bitttch you a serial killer!

   If you're in a committed relationship and you have no intentions of marrying that person, you are wasting both or your time.

   I've never sky dived before, but I have zoomed in REAL FAST on Google Earth!!

   Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.

   Dumb is the new smart...

   Keep your friends close but your cupcakes closer.

   You're uglier than..... well, you're the example.

   Worst thing in the world is being surprised in your office by a colleague after a particularly toxic fart...

   " Aaron Hernandez killed my girlfriend too." Manti Te'o

   Marriage counseling... because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she's being a bîtch.

   I have reached that point of my day where no more productivity is possible...

   This beer sure tastes like I'm on vacation next week!!!

   There's something about today that wants me to be hungover tomorrow.

   I don't want to sound like an alarmist but,,, Wooooop Wooooop Rearrearrearrear

   ESPN reports that Aaron Hernandez is being investigated for the disappearance of Manti Teo's girlfriend

   Cocaine worth estimated R10 000 000( $1000 000) was confisticated inside Obama's luggage, in his defense, Obama said people must keep their NOSE out of his business

   I bet guys called Brendan wish they could get the drugs their parents were taking when they were picking baby names.

   Whenever a friend shows me a picture of their boyfriend who's unattractive & they say "he's a keeper" I'm thinking, "yeah in the basement"

   I did the dishes, baby. And don’t worry I only broke 37 of them. Oh I did the laundry too. You wanted the whites pink now, right?

   That which does not kill you, disappoints me.