Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hearing that Jesus loves you and you should let him inside you is very nice... Unless you’re in a Mexican prison.

   Congrats to Nikki Manaj on her latest s hit song!!

   writes apology to 90's hip hop for the words he never gave to his mother.

   hey hun!!!! The number of "followers" you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

   im so drunk I'm seeing red headlights in my rearview mirror

   Be happy. Not because everything is good, but because you can see the good side of everything.

   Where can I buy a couple tumbleweeds? It would look way cool to have a few of them following me around the house

   Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.

   this beer sure tastes like Saturday!!

   My wife said I was immature so I willed my comic book collection to my friend Steve instead.

   So.... who was the best shooter this month?? A. Ray Allen B. Danny GreenC. LeBron JamesD. Aaron Hernandez”

   I put seat belts on my dining room chairs because mom's lasagna is THAT good and also I had the same 4th grade teacher for 2 years straight.

   I put on my pants like everyone else. Begrudgingly.

   There are many fish in the sea. There are many birds in the sky. There are many animals everywhere. How will that make me feel better?

   I hate when I'm stalking someone and another interesting person comes up and I get confused on which one I should continue to stalk.

   If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need. Don't concern yourself with how I got in your house.

   If your ass had a twitter account I'd follow it.

   I may not remember a face or a name BUT I never forget an ass.

   Garbage men are the least respected civil servants. They work just as hard as firemen and cops, but no one ever calls them heroes. Probably because they smell like used tampons and old Chinese food.

   Today I feel like hitting free like to everyone post. Common everyone post something!!! This offer is about to end soon