Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don't see how it's any of your business.

   My typical day at work: 9:00 am: What a beautiful day. 9:05 am: I WANNA GO HOME.

   You look chatty. I’ll take the next elevator.

   I think we should buy a lot of sh&t we don't need and then find a soul-crushing job to pay for them.

   Guys, I don't mean to sound negative or anything, but according to my research, everything sucks.

   … remember when you were a kid and would run thru the sprinklers at your uncles house - and he'd dry you off with his big strong arms and tender kisses ?

   I knew I had to go on a diet when I started stealing the little candies out of my kid's Lunchables.

   Obesity is now considered a disease by the medical community. Never before has walk for the cure taken on a more literal meaning.

   Perfect people are terrible; it's difficult to take advantage of them.

   It's always cracked me up how straight people just get so amused and excited about fireworks .....

   Aquariums are a place where fish get to watch you for free but it comes at the price of never leaving

   Some guy just blindfolded me and dragged me into a warehouse. I'm still waiting for him to say it's a febreeze commercial.

   If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We've been waiting for this all our lives!

   I hate going to Wal Mart. Every time I go, the cashier always checks me out...

   Im sitting on the bus minding my own business, until I pull out my Ipad...Long story short, I have 20 extra friends playing candy crush with me now!

   I thought it was corn not rain that is supposed to be knee high by the 4th of July?

   I come from a long line of impatient customers.

   "How do you think you would like it if the tables were turned?"...... ~interior decorators

   JAB: M-80's Don't care about your fingers and bottle rockets don't care about your eyes, stay accident free everyone and have a safe Forth Of July. . .

   Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.