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Politician: one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after. 
Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
Race wars, class wars, religious wars, tribal wars, sectarian wars, ideological wars and gender wars shall be the end of earth.
Humans have driven animals such as the Rhino to instinction, so when thousands of humans murder each other or perish in a natural disaster, thats just karma doing its job.
Aaron Hernandez was seen on the phone begging his attorneys to have his murder case moved to Florida.
BREAKING NEWS: Zimmerman is STILL not guilty since 3 hours ago
Zimmerman about to be walking out in the streets in an Iron Man suit.
Whoever wants to kill anybody, should probably do so in Florida you will be free.
Everyones like "George Zimmerman this, no justice that" I'm just over here like, "I'm gonna eat a popsicle."
Companies that are using technology to go paperless aren't putting iPads in the toilet stalls for wiping.
Surprise jumps on the back is for 160 lbs and under women only.....any thing over is a tackle
I'm a better person than I was yesterday, but still not as good as I can be tomorrow
Wine is a fruit, right?!
I've fallen! And I can't reach my beer!
Too many people confuse "justice" with "revenge."
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people.
My life would be so much better if I was dead.
my girlfriend says I'm great in bed because I can sleep the whole day.
Looks like it's probably going to to be a "guilty of manslaughter" verdict. Women are emotional and probably don't want to upset the prosecutor or defense so I predict they will choose a "compromise verdict" of guilty of manslaughter.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard. 