Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I do great farts when I pull myself up in the bathtub.......... Do your stuff, eHarmony

   Street Racing is like Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still a retard.

   what's the difference between hungry and horny??....where you put the cucumber..;-)

   Like, if you believe that HR is stupid and evil.

   man sent to hospital after finding 6 plastic horses up his arse.....his condition is stable

   I thought this Mexican Restaurant was closed because only 1 car was in the parking lot, but it was completely packed inside!

   I can't believe people have nerve enough to still be shooting fireworks. They almost caught my Christmas lawn decorations on fire.

   We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.

   Some are living and others are struggling not to die........

   I hate Mondays more than a midget hates getting a Yo-Yo for Christmas.

   The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.

   An inuendo is an Italian suppository.

   My gf and I were eating Chinese take-out and my dog starts begging at the table for a treat. I said "You don't want this, Boy. This is Chinese food. Come to think of it, so are you."

   I enjoy people who actively participate in my insanity.

   The best part of having relatives over is that feeling you get when you shut the door behind them as they leave.

   I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't know that you have any.

   And nobody finds it curious that UFOs only land in the USA? Thats where all the idiots that creat them live.

   Guys, don't take the first step cause girls hate that easy guy. Also, you must take the first step cause they hate the shy one. Good luck!

   Some people's desperation is so hard to watch, I'm forced to wear sunglasses while I laugh....

   She puts the 'ass' in Picasso!