Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   After all these years together my wife and I have finally reach the S & M phase of our relationship,,,,,,,,,She Sleeps while I Masturbate.

   if men could have multiple 0rgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.

   Faldo..go eat a snickers. yyou're stupid when you're hungry.

   Today was somewhat embarrassing. It was only after I started dancing in the food court - alone - that I learned flash mobs are planned.

   M L B suspended A-Rod, proving that cheaters never prosper. They just get $350M and a World Series ring while boning models.

   "Yes, officer, I know I was speeding, but in my defense, I ALWAYS held down the B button while playing Super Mario Brothers". 

   My girl brought me breakfast in bed, I slowly turned to her and said, ?What are you doing out of the Kitchen??

   Wait!! Its Tim Tebow's birthday today and Tom Brady got hurt..... Jesus take the wheel.

   Asked my wife to try A nal and she turned into the rhubarb lady...

   What is the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?.... The porcupine has the pricks on the outside....

   Michael J. Fox etch-a-sketched the entire New York City skyline in 4 seconds.

   Egypt is burning. Let them deal with their own crazies. It is none of our business. We have enough problems back here in the US.

   so Jessie Jackson JR gets a 2 1/2yr sentence and Blago got 14 years...... So can this make up for the Martin Verdict?

   My wife says "YOU'RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.

   Patti Blagojevich just change her status to we got so screwed with out sentencing

   Sandi Jackson just changed her facebook status to taking the kids to Grandpa Jesses house for a while

   it OK if I abbreviate Oklahoma?

   Just remember that, when it comes right down to it, nobody cares.

   Someone needs to hurry up and locate Tom Hanks before he makes "Castaway 2" in N. Alabama. Spoiler alert: Wilson is a talking pig.

   Gang-related violence in my office is up 25% since this meeting started.