Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Purposefully wearing white today. My level of badassery knows no bounds!

   Purposely wearing white today... the thug life continues.

   So Microsoft buys out Nokia, exactly what is supposed to happen when a dinosaur buys a neanderthal?

   "How to look good naked" - simple, cheap and effective -just turn off the light.

   If I am seriosly wounded, don't call a priest, rabbi, or minister. Those 3 should be walking into a bar together, somewhere.

   This guy just told me that I was anti-social. Or at least that’s what I think he said, I wasn’t paying attention.

   Meatloaf will do anything for love.. but won't do it for a klondike bar. . .

   Crazy alert: I just read that some girls are buying positive pregnancy tests on Craiglist to pressure their boyfriends into popping the question. If your girlfriend does this, leave her immediately!

   I got a sixth degree black belt in I don't give a f**k. . .

   still wonders why my friends in high school all had those plastic film containers and no one owned a camera?

   “Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.”

   Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.

   Sorry I spilled your bottle of wine,,, all down my throat.

   If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He's got a gun!" and then you'll look like a cool hero.

   Wondering what it's like to have a kid? Take a goat to the store. That's like having a 5 yr old. Now get the goat drunk. That's a 2 yr old.

   I live by the ocean. The west coast, to be more Pacific.

   If you say "Reddddddd Robin" Siri says "Yum!"

   I live in a town named Ripley... believe it or not.

   there an STD named 'Miley Virus' yet?

   To me "just kidding" means I'm joking but I'm kinda serious.