Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just when I think I'm over my insomnia, people in church start singing.

   Stupidity is dangerous, and thanks to social media we have managed to weaponize it.

   Does this silence make me look antisocial?

   Anyone who makes anymore jokes about 9/11 is boeing straight to hell.

   Thank you, True Crime, for sayingthat was a reenactment. I was prettyupset your camera person didn’tstop that murder.

   If we'd had texting 20 years ago, me and my buddies conversations would be pretty much the same as today...

   I don't want to brag, but I've been told by no less than 6 women I've ruined their lives.

   Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

   Going to war for Syria is like jumping into a swimming pool while you're wearing an expensive suit to save the kid who bullied you.

   Some things are better left unsaid, but I'm probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.

   My first thought upon waking up in the morning is "fuuuuck, not again."

   I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.

   Make librarians cry by calling it a "Book Museum" while taking pictures with your iPad.

   Looking for pornography? Type literally any letter into my search bar

   On a cold night, to make a campfire, all you need is a match, kerosine, and a baby.

   I have the heart of a child. It's in a jar of formaldehyde and locked in my basement.

   My girlfriend's bra is even harder to take off when she's yelling at me and I'm wearing it.

   Casper Wyoming considered a ghost town?

   My doctor said I need to do something that gets me out of the bar. So I've started smoking.

   Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.