Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Read Putin's Op-Ed in the New York Times. This crap would have been a lot more believable if after every paragraph he said "....Mr. Bond."

   Ladies; Be Careful about listening to Oprah's relationship advice especially considering she is a billionaire and most of you are either still living with your parents or are perpetually broke.

   I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.

   Why in 2013 do semmingly smart broadcasters with english or journalism degrees continue to say "same exact"?? It's effing dumb stupid...

   Laughter is the best medicine..long as you take percocet with it

   If Cheetos made beer, I'd drink that $hit!!

   I am 50 years old and I still have the same body I had when I was 21! the only thing wrong with it is,it could probably do with a good iron.

   Wow......this is turning out to be the best year Mark Sanchez has ever had in the NFL

   Maybe Mother Nature wants to be a dirty girl!

   You know why nobody has gotten a GPS location on Obamas cell phone to take him out. Because he has several million citizens under his plan so you'd miss every time. . .

   As a fan of hard sci-fi, I did not enjoy "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

   Time moves forward, things change. It can be hard. On the upside, there'll be way less dudes wearing the jacket from Drive this Halloween.

   "40 is the new 20!" - math teacher who's about to be fired

   It's 2013 and I'm pretty disappointed that scientists have yet to introduce bbq or cool ranch alternatives to our plain salt-flavored tears

   So I'm at antiques roadshow getting competitive and sweaty, letting everyone in line cut in front of me so my stuff will be older when I get to the front.

   First they came for the communists and I didn't speak out. Since then everything's been pretty good, plus no communists!

   I'm such a nice guy, I signed my ex-wife up for one of those free bi-polar studies.

   Dear "New FM102", you've been "new" for 4 years now. Stop.

   We were so poor when I was a kid, the only reason our house stood was because the termites were holding hands!!

   I'm sorry Burger King employee but if you want me to support you making $15 an hour, you 1st have to prove to me you can grasp the concept of "NO PICKLES"!!! We'll work on that jacked up attitude later...