Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   and maybe learn to use the right kind of bale also!

   Francis Bean is 21 years old. Sleep on that, universe.

   There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

   Don't eat glass. Trust me on this one

   Cryogenically freeze yourself until they discover a cure for male pattern baldness.

   Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you're proably not gonna win, but you're sure as hell gonna try!

   When a guy says he wants to get to know you, he means he wants to get to know your boobs.

   Q: What's long and hard that a girl marrying a Polish guy gets on her wedding night?....... A: his last name.

   A nutsack is a guy's Christmas Ornament from God.

   "So You Thought You Could Watch This Show About Dancing"

   If it smells like a salad and it tastes like a salad, there's still a good chance it's an organic vegan chocolate chip cookie

   Yes, you can lead a horse to water but you can also bring the water to him. Maybe do something nice for someone else for once in your life... geesh

   A barbed wire tattoo is a great way to keep people from breaking into your upper arm.

   God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change & the strength to lift a car over my head. Saving the third wish for later... Amen

   Make sure to send prayers to people suffering from natural disasters, because if god didn't care while he was doing it, he surely will after

   I dated a swallower. I married a ‘get that thing out of my face’.

   "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened with daddy issues, and I will give you drinks." Brolossians 11:28

   I'm white but not "always bets against Floyd Mayweather and lose my money" white.

   It's not premature if you're still at the dinner table and she doesn't notice.

   it bad that "wine" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?