Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My girl is leaving me cos she thinks I'm too gullible... You should have seen her face wen I told her tht I've won the Nigerian lottery.

   Awwe, he's sleeping like a baby......... *People who've never had a baby*

   I'm "it's 8:30 and you wanna start a movie this late?" years old.

   Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions

   Can a woman make you a millionaire? Yes. But only if you are a billionaire.

   the only people who are against drugs are the ones who sucked at doing them!

   Every once in a while I'll part way too much to remind myself how much of an idiot I am.

   dude, where's my government

   You know that sinking feeling,,, when you realize that you should have taken those swimming lessons.

   FYI: It's illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack the plane

   FYI,,, Society has put an excessive amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.

   I'm just going to keep letting animals bite me until I get super powers.

   don't cry over spilled milk... it could have been beer...

   I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.

   Women claim they want honest men but dare you not blame the obesity on the dress.

   Ladies; When a guy you don't know offers to buy you a drink in a club, he's not being nice he wants to have sex with you. It's not rocket science.

   Rihanna and Miley Cyrus could learn a great deal from other female musicians who don’t need to be naked to sell their music like Drake.

   Canada doesn't want you. Why would be buy something that's broken?

   After visiting the gov't healthcare site, I don't know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...

   Do people who work in those office supply stores steal stuff from their homes to use at work?