Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   People who drive slower up hills know how cars work,,, right?

   If you're happy and you know it clank your chains.

   RIP Nelson Mandela, your 'I have a dream' speech touched me - Paris Hilton

   What does it make me if I put Nutella on this brown sugar & cinnamon poptart? A genius... The correct answer is genius.

   that all you got? Come on Mother Nature, put your big girl panties on!!

   So they dropped the charges against that Florida State QB? I guess they didn't find enough Seminole fluid...

   I don't like morning people. Or mornings. Or people.

   Let's be honest,, At some point, you'd think there'd be a governmental inquiry into the excessively high escape rate of Gotham City's penitentiaries.

   Wouldn't it be cool if cell phones came with built-in tasers?

   Tasers, but for people who listen to Christmas music in October. Or talk before noon.

   I have a problem with alcohol. I don't get nearly enough of it.

   I separate women into two categories: 1. Women I would have sex with. 2. Dudes.

   Real men who care for, cherish and love a woman faithfully, deserve the butthole at least once..

   Does anybody else have a plastic bag full of other plastic bags in their house or is it just me???

   50 Shades of Grey - a book for people who don't normally read books or have sex.

   Just logged into Twitter instead of Facebook and I now feel like I shouted out the wrong name in bed.

   The scariest thing about dating is that you either break-up or get married.

   MANGOES (n): wherever woman goes.

   The secret to success is in my bra.

   The only drinking problem I have is, I DON'T have a drink !