Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When I die, keep it simple. Just launch me into space while Elton John plays "Rocket Man" on a glass piano and Maya Angelou reads my statuses

   I am about tired of all this frozen global warming!

   Catholic Priests rub me the wrong way.

   I think they put "The Island of Misfit Toys" in the Rudolph Christmas special so poor kids know why they get crappy presents from Santa at Christmas.

   The difference between Kanye's supposed genius and his stupidity is that his genius has it's limits.

   I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter's date. ..then I told him it's much faster after 11pm

   Kanye West says he is going to be the next Nelson Mandela! Quick someone put him in jail for 27 years.

   i bought all my Grandma's friends at the nursing home Ouija boards for Christmas so we can keep in touch in the New Year.

   "Christmas" Trees $5.00 per ft...."Holiday" Trees $20 per ft......Merry Christmas!

   Ravens fans, What's does excitement and happiness feel like? Curious Redskins fan.

   The "AMERICAN" flag in my yard is hanging at half staff for those lost in Pearl Harbor, no one else.....that is all

   It's so cold out by the time I walked to the car, the footlong I got at Subway was on a 6 incher.

   $15 an hour just to put a pickle on a bun? What are you? A McDummy?

   There's no feeling in the world like when two people want each other so bad... to die.

   I opened the door and pulled up a chair for you, so we are engaged now.

   I think I'll go shovel the "Global Warming" out of the driveway!

   You wouldn't feel the need to talk about your beauty if you already know you are beautiful.

   ATTENTION: Miley Cyrus is worth MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. She probably doesn't care what we think of her.

   At the 2010 Winter Olympics, I brought home the gold for smushing down the garbage so I don't have to bring it outside.

   Even though Kanye West DID NOT compare himself to Nelson Mandela, would it really surprise anyone if he actually had?