Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.

   I just told someone that I have to pee pee. It's hard toggling back and forth between being a parent and being a dude.

   I'm that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.

   Why can't the DEVIL jst swallow his pride & ask GOD for forgiveness so we can all go back to the garden of EDEN & live happily NAKED?

   I know some ladies here who need to come out courageous nough and upload their non-edited pictures,,,feel safe...u'r cute..anyway

   I like you. But I don't "let you out of my basement" like you. Hah because I love you.

   Never Choose ur Boyfriend/Girlfriend Over ur Best Friends.

   This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken."

   Besides yourself, which individual disappointed you the most in 2013?

   I stopped wondering why I do the things I do a long time ago. Makes me feel dizzy.

   There’s now a song called Saturday by Rebecca Black. The silly ho is slowly trying to ruin all of the days of the week.

   Holiday Tip #37: Eat asparagus around the holidays. If you're anything like me, the green combined with the red in the toilet lends itself to a wonderful bathroom holiday ambiance

   INSTANT HAPPINESS: Just add bacon...or sɇx...or enough money to buy bacon and sɇx.

   Imagine the first guy who built one of those big water fountains telling everyone: "I hear if you throw money in this, you can make a wish!"

   Antarctica wind chill today -135 below. Al Gore refuses to comment

   Kanye West compared being a rapper to BEING AT WAR ."This is like being a police officer or something or like war or something." "You're literally going out to do your job every day knowing that something could happen to you.".No Kanye being an idiot is!

   Tonight's the night ... You can tell because the sun's gone down!

   Sometimes when people come up in my chat on Facebook, I feel like Facebook is like "Go on. Open that pandoras box" LOL

   At the store today I bought some recycled Tiolet paper....question....how did they get it so white?

   If milk goes to $8 a gallon its gonna be hard for you ladies to trust anymore.. Cuz you always gonna wonder if he really likes you for you or cuz he loves him some Lucky Charms...