Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I always carry a very specialized custom survival knife, but it's not sharp. It's for cake or pie emergencies.

   ACA's, CMA's, ACM's...country music is working on having as many stupid awards shows as college football has pointless bowl games.

   R.I.P Mandela excuse me while I take this selfie at your funeral---Obama

   I just saw 3 Angels walk down a runway wearing thongs...oh sorry it's just The VIctoria Secret Fashion Show

   The only thing girls are going to get from watching the Victoria Secret Fashion Show is depression, an eating disorder & turn lesbian!

   Victoria Secret Fashion Show is on, all girls are depressed right now.

   Drunk Cow Tipping: get drunk and Tipsy with a cow.

   Feeling like a movie tonight....I think I'll watch Fast and Furious 6 and then maybe half of 7

   Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.

   If someone is asking for advice, don't tell them to "just be yourself". They wouldnt ask you if that was working.

   If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world

   The thinner the eyebrows, the crazier the girl.

   Kanye West "Kim fought for her position in society".....Wait Kanye, didn't she obtain her fame because of a video, in the bent over "position?"

   You ever think that just possibly these milk, bread and toilet paper companies are behind these overestimated, hysteria causing weather reports????

   Deductive reasoning skills are a double-edged sword. You see, those of us who are self-motivated, pay attention to detail and use deductive reasoning must be punished for how we make those who don't "feel..."

   Dressed my snowman up as a security guard, and then I put him out in front of a snow bank.

   Thanks to Facebook and Twitter, we are now exposed and contaminated with dumb sh*t people just used to keep to themselves in their dumb heads.

   I'm having a make yourself at home party. Make yourself at home.. start cooking, cleaning and do my laundry. . .

   Music, Children, and Dogs: The world's three greatest anti-depressants.

   I owe my bookie $300.I bet on a fight before I realized it was Rocky 4. I did the same thing with Space Jam and Air Bud