Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you're in a relationship. I don't know why you feel the need to upload 10 selfies a day. Look at your boyfriend instead of a camera . You attention seeking hoe

   I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you.

   I think ppl should make New Years resolutions for NO MORE SELFIES IN BATHROOMS......Seriously.....you and your toilet are not sexy......

   I don't play hard to get I play get away from me you creep.

   Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms should be a convenience store; not a government agency.

   I decided to become a vegetarian once but gave it up when I realized pork isn't a vegetable...

   This bottle of Jack Daniels and I are gonna need a do not disturb sign and a safe word tonight.

   I'll wait for you at the finish line, I'm taking a cab.

   We have so much in common, you want to travel, I want you to go.

   The new breakup line: "It's not you. It's your timeline."

   Went a week without taking a selfie. Where's my Medal of Honor, Obama?

   Every time my kids ask for help with their math homework, I play dead

   I'd insult your intelligence if you had any. Sadly, your stupidity has no boundaries.

   Of course I act my age. I'm old enough to buy alcohol, tobacco and fire arms.

   I'm 28 years old, but in marriage years, I'm dead on the inside.

   Hey guys if your girlfriend still has pics of her ex on there Facebook Your doomed they have not moved on

   That's great and all. But the question is, can you hold that yoga pose while I'm inside you?

   My ex posted a pic captioned, "Just me" and I commented, "Yes just you and your 7 personalities" Now I am deleted and blocked.

   To my unborn children,relax dad is still trying to figure out the best mum for you.You will not suck a TATOOed breast I promise you

   I only wish google could answer things like "what's the name of the lady seated next to me"