Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   This just in: North Korea has sent a fax to threaten Seoul 'mercilessly without notice.' Bet Seoul is really scared -- back in 1982.

   Should I get a puppy, or have a child? Well, I would rather ruin my carpet, than ruin my life.

   I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.

   There are countless horrible things happening all over the world and horrible people prospering, but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible.

   I just pitched A&E Network on a show. A Jevvish spinoff on Duck Dynasty. Schmuck Dynasty. Too soon?

   Sorry I peed on your baby, but in my defense he started it.

   I have this great midnight snack it's called, what do I think my roommate won't notice if I eat the edges off of

   Ass so fat it swims with a shirt on.

   My phone acts like it's been violated by my computer. Everytime I plug it in it asks me if i'm sure I can trust the computer. Drama queen.

   I am not above speaking in tongues and praising Lucifer to make the neighbors go away.

   Where is the Love? Discrimination and Homophobia, do you know how many of our children committed suicide because of this? What if it was your child? Born This Way

   Everyone is entitled to their own opinion even if it is right.

   Starting a Book Club. First rule of Book Club: read Fight Club.

   no more ducks, Deens, gators, survivalist-preppers, Amish Mafia, snake handlers, moonshiners & hillbillie loggers for 2014. C'mon tv channels, you're better than that, stop with the stupid crap

   I forget my password so often I made it incorrect that way when I'm wrong the computer reminds me...

   Cooking with cheese is so awesome, even when it's the only ingredient the recipe calls for.

   Duck Tales should be the replacement for Duck Dynasty-Huey, Dewy, and Louie only had one McQuack!

   Fingers crossed that this is the end of that terrible show

   The Scariest Horror Movies of All Time 1. The Exorcist 2. Psycho 3. The View on ABC

   Favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell's Kitchen 3. Breaking bad