Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Call it a sweatshirt.. Those?,, those are sweatpants.. That one is a sweater.. Gosh, it's hot in here." ... (The guy who named clothes)

   So after a 7hr erection, do I seek out a Doctor or a Porn Studio?

   Revenge is a dish best served on the dance floor.

   Women - your mouth can get you into a lot of trouble, but it can get you out of a hell of a lot more trouble.

   Guys, the secret to a successful marriage is learning to choose your battles knowing you've already lost the war.

   Some symptoms of psychopathic behavior are manipulativeness, pathological lying, lack of empathy and writing 'heeeeeeey' in texts.

   I wonder if Johnny Depp's bracelets ever get jealous now that Steven Tyler's scarves are dating Bruno Mars' hats.

   Ladies; Don't forget to text him and ask how his d*ck is today

   You know some sh*t is about to go down when she turns her phone sideways to type.

   If I could have a moment of your time I'd just like to say, Happy Easter everyone.

   Make money like a man, spend it like a woman.

   My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.

   GLAD AND GLAAD... Both great to associate with garbage. "Don't get mad, like GLAAD" ignorant libs!

   This nice policeman has offered to perform a cavity search on me. I didn’t know law enforcement is concerned with our dental hygiene.

   I just invented a new game in the office called “I can guess what your new year resolution will be” but fat people don’t want to play :(

   One thing awesome about my childhood was being able to play with a 'toy' gun without the authorities getting involved.

   The Duck Dynasty guys better hope nobody tells PETA or the Gun Control lobby that they're gun living duck killers.

   I can't believe it's already been a whole year since the world ended.. :(

   There are two things that prove the American school system has failed: 1) A need for SpellCheck/AutoCorrect. 2) Cash registers that tell the user how much change to make out of a dollar.

   If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?