Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   you have 1 more see whats left,been damaged, left for dead, returned already what the heck is that? shopping day left!

   I bought one of those cloned (stolen form Target) credit cards on the black market and as luck would have it, I ended up buying my own.

   Are you all done with your Christmas shopping? I bought a lot more people gifts this year than I thought I did. You know why? I used my credit card at Target.

   Scoopable kitty litter makes me feel like the worst gold miner ever.

   I test drove a BMW and much to my surprise,,, ALL the blinkers worked!................ Explain that,, All you owners

   Ugh,,, This oatmeal tastes like It's gonna need a donut.

   There will soon come a time were I can not voice my OPINION by saying,"I HATE vile Brussels Sprouts!!" For fear of offending Farmers and the general population. So consider yourselves informed.

   I'm not a reIigious person, I dont believe in a god, but that wont stop me from wishing you all a MERRY CHRlSTMAS!!!

   I'm so glad to be done with my running around town for the day, and away from the crowded bumping, pushing, honking, cussing, yelling holiday spirit during this most wonderful time of the year.

   I will be your Santa if you'll be my hoe hoe hoe!!!

   When is Dennis Rodman going to realize that he will be executed as soon as the North Korean basketball team he is training loses their first game???

   Me putting up with you is your Christmas present

   "Duck Tales" is the original duck dynasty.

   Cougar sightings in my neighborhood over the past couple days... I'm going to lay out a trap in my yard with Journey's 'Greatest Hits' and a nice cabernet.

   The average age of the viewing audience of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is probably 35-45 years old.

   Do you think in Heaven there is going to be a "White" Christian caucus? A "Black" Christian club? Think again. When we leave this earth, we leave this physical body behind which includes your skin color.

   I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors.

   Have you noticed that it's only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......

   You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass.

   JOHN 12:49 - For I did not speak of my own ACCORD. Translation - Jesus drove a HONDA but he did not boast about it.