Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Twas the morning before Christmas & all across Facebook, friends awake, houses aglitter. Coffee in hand pondering this day & the things that matter.....

   ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ I'm Dreaming Of A White Isthmus ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ .....(Hey what can I say, I have a thing for snow covered narrow strips of land connecting two larger land areas.)

   I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.

   I think premature male baldness should be the next race card..

   The way my kids freak out on Christmas morning, that's the way I feel right before I open my breakfast beer!

   The neighbor kid said "my dad and beat up your dad" and my kid didn't argue the point. FML.

   That age when you drop a coin on the floor and anything smaller than a quarter isn't worth the effort to lean over and pick up.

   I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer.

   Christmas is a race to seewhich gives out first your money or your feet. 

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment" Kathy.

   I bet Mary and Joseph were like "Gee thanks little drummer boy. Cause the one thing every sleep deprived parent wants for their newborn is a drum solo!"

   According to my Nike fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.

   Tip Of The Day # 12232013 (for novice surgeon doctors ) " The way to a man's heart is through his stomach "

   "ENGAGEMENT is when a man promises to marry a woman in a few months NOT when a man gives a woman a ring for 5 years, that is WITCHCRAFT!!!"

   Sign said "WET PAINT" So I emptied my water bottle on it. I'm currently waiting on further instructions.

   There are two types of people in this world and it is easily determined by what they do when an ice cube falls on the floor.

   A mans apology after he argues with his woman is "you want something from the store?" or " are you hungry?"

   new way for a woman to get even with her ex....take his credit card & go on a shopping spree at target

   "Drinky poos"- What a girl calls a drink to try and be cute. "Drinky poos"-What a man has the morning after a night of drinking!!