Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Women close their eyes during sëx because they can't stand to see" a two-faced man.

   Guran is a copy of Bible and Bible is a copy of another old book.; look at that much plagiarism.

   I. really hate when Grandma gets me underwear for Christmas-they are always. " I Won't Get Caught Dead In Whitey-Tightys!"

   On Christmas my brothers and sisters come over with all their ADHD kids, they all really love my Amphetamine Apple Pie!

   I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm good once as I ever was.

   Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.

   Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I'm still putting butter on them!!

   Christmas sure does smell a lot like weed.

   Well, the people outside are frightful. And the traffic, is far from delightful. (blocking my intersection) since they got no place to go. people blow people blow people blow...

   Some days, you just gotta remind yourself "Stab'em below the waist and it's only assault, NOT attempted murder."

   I’m white but not “I like to watch golf” white.

   Women close their eyes during sëx because they can't stand to see a man having a good time.

   I'm glad that money you didn't know you had can survive the wash and dry cycle

   My cat and I vomited together last night. I think I'm some kind of animal whisperer.

   What about female suicide bombers? Do they also get virgins?

   When Kanye West blows out candles on a birthday cake he wishes it was his birthday, instead of whoever's party he's at.

   I only takeSTD test in jail. I like all my bad news atone time

   Holidays are way too commercialized now a days. Please keep in mind the true meaning of Christmas while and your loved ones put up Christmas lights that are currently 75% off at Walmart!!

   My dog ate your Elf on the Shelf.

   Ah, come on! It's Christmas Eve! I could be home right now, drinking this *monster* eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid.